Life

Wow, it's been almost a year since I last wrote a blog post. I figure most people read everything on Facebook, but here we go with a massive update anyway.

This was my last year as an undergrad at Utah State University. And the ear both sucked and was amazing. I randomly, and maybe not terribly wisely, decided to add a second minor in my last year. Religious Studies, if you want to know, and the previous minor was Chemistry. This resulted in me cramming a lot of classes in, and I lot of classes that were very different from what I was used to. I was so happy for my 1 or 2 science classes. My sanctuary of science were I knew what to do, were there is a right and a wrong, and questions aren't rhetorical, but actually seeking answers. Though I really truly did love all the information I was learning. I picked Religious Studies because (1) it's an area I find interesting and (2) it was a blend of history, psychology, sociology and anthropology; the humanity fields that have always intrigued me.

Also this year I was in the presidency for the Women in Science and Medicine club and I loved it. We did some really great activities this year and I met some fabulous girls that I got to work with. I'm going to miss them all.

Outside of school (kind of) I continued applying to Med School. This didn't help the whole school thing, since I was busy filling out applications, flying around the country for interviews and whatnot, this didn't leave a lot of time for studying and homework.

I did take the option to play tourist a little bit though. I got to see Independence Hall and Liberty Bell. We visited the Country Music Hall of Fame, and walked around the famous French Quarter. And for those who did not get the memo, the result of all this, I am going to Med School on New Orleans in the Fall.

My sister-in-law got married. Yay for her! Weddings are so fun, everyone is so happy. Gabrielle might have stolen the Bride's spotlight though. Benefits of being two and so adorable.

And of course, updates on the real thing everyone cares about, my amazing daughter. Holy crap! She grew up on me (again, even more). She is becoming less of a toddler and more o a little kid everyday. I think she is a genius. She recognizes and draws letters, she counts to 9 and I have my suspicions that she can do basic math. Of course I have no idea why a normal almost 3 year old can do, but I'm impressed. It's just so neat to watch her grow up and learn these things, it wasn't that long ago that she would stumble walking and could only say a handful of words. She talks a lot now, though not always understandable. She loves to read, and is familiar enough with some of her books that she will "read" them to herself. She loves her pink bike and is working on how to ride it. And, oh my goodness, she is such a girly-girl. She loves purple (followed by pink and yellow), and all things sparkly and frilly. She insists on wearing a skirt everyday, so she has more skirts than pants now. I've tried to give her a gender-neutral experience but either society is more pervasive than I expected or some girls are just born with glitter in their veins.

Also, I don't know how to insert pictures throughout the post when I do this from my phone, so sorry. Here I one of my little girl, true to form in something purple and sparkly, enjoying some form of music and being overall cute

9/11 Looking Back

10 years ago, September 11, 2001, planes crashed into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and a Pennsylvanian Field. 2,977 people died, countless others had their lives ripped apart and forever changed. I've spend the day watching videos, memorials and stories about that day; like this poetry

But there is one video that I keep avoiding, one I won't watch. It's sitting in my news feed on Facebook and I keep skipping over it, pretending it's not really there.

 My grandmother had an aneurysm in her aortic artery. It'd been there for some time, we all knew about it. It was a time bomb ticking away in her back. There was a surgery that would fix it, but it would likely leave her in a wheelchair. She debated about the surgery, for a while she though it would be better to go without, live the last few years still being able to walk. But then she decided it was worth it, it was worth living a little longer, she couldn't walk well anyways. So she scheduled the surgery for some time in October. Just when she decided that her life was worth living, it was taken away. Her aneurysm split open and started bleeding out.

One year ago, September 11, 2010, my grandmother past away. For several years she lived right next to me, she was a big part of my life. She was beautiful, smart, funny and my family. When it started getting difficult for her to be on her own, she moved to Las Vegas, to live with my uncle. I didn't get to see her very often after that, the two times I was able to go down there were two times she wasn't there. The last time I saw her was Thanksgiving 2009.

It was the first, and only time, she met my daughter. I was looking forward to the holidays, hoping I could see her again. I wanted to show her my daughter, her 3rd great-grandchild, show her how much she'd grown. To just see her, and tell her I loved her, and I missed having her close by.

I've been avoiding thinking or talking about her today. It's been easier to mourn with the nation about thousands that I never knew, than to mourn alone about this one woman I loved.

9/11/2011, my cousins birthday, the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attack, Grandparent's Day, and one year since I lost my grandmother.

Goodbye Grandma, I love you.

Day 30 - Who am I?

Read that title again and tell me if don't think of either the Les Misérables musical or a little kid book. If you say no, you didn't think of either, I say your lying. 

Umm... once again I feel like I'm writing an application essay. I have several of them I'm working on at the moment and a lot of them do say things like "Describe yourself" or "Introduce yourself." By the way, I hate those kind of questions. And I think most of you know me already. Wasn't that the point of the thirty day post to get to know more about me?

My name is Britain. I am wife to the sweetest man and mother to the most adorable girl. I am a biology student applying to Medical School. I am a closet nerd, and I'm still in denial about that to myself. I hate the cold. I like summer and beaches. According to my husband I am obstinate and strong-willed, I'm going to stay mum on that comment. Oh, he also says I'm always right, that one I will fess up too. I'm a feminist trying to trudge through the oppressive patriarchy that is Utah and academic science. I am a working/student mother and PROUD of it. I love listening to music all of the time. I enjoy reading, playing video games, musicals and bubble baths. I'm am incredibly shy, but I'm very opinionated and talkative once I open up to you.  I'm a night owl/ insomniac. For some reason this seems to drive all non-night owls nuts. On the flip side, I find morning people who wake up chipper and chatty irritating. I hate driving and big cities scare me. When it comes to school or work I am very organized. But other than that I am very messy and I hate cleaning. Someday I want a zillion pets, though that will probably never come to pass. My favorite color is blue.

And the last thing about me is that I finished this 30 day challenge! Go me go!

Also, today is my 4 year anniversary to the above mentioned sweetest man. To quote the lyrics of a Shania Twain song "They said, 'I bet they'll never make it.' But just look at us holding on. We're still together, still going strong ... I'm glad we didn't listen. Look at what we would be missing." I know at four years we're still newlyweds. But I would love to shove those years in the faces of a few (actually quite a few) people. I love you JP!

Day 29 - In this past month, what have I learned

I'm really not sure if this is supposed to be what have I learned as pertaining to this 30 day challenge, or if this what I learned in general over the past month.

As pertaining to this challenge I learned how to scheduled post on blogger. Yep folks, that's right I completely cheated. Almost all of the post were written forever in advance and then scheduled to post on the appropriate days. See I've been working on these post since last November. Whenever I got a chance I would work on a post. Then when I'd gotten the first 15 done I decided I would  this challenge started, well starting 29 days ago, and they all auto-posted. (I think that goes to show how busy I am, that it took me over half a year to find time to write 15 posts.) During those 15 days I worked on the next couple posts. Only during the past week have the entries been written in a time frame relatively close to when they posted.

I learned that the application process to medical school is extremely tedious and enormously expensive. We've already shelled out about 1 grand, and have another grand that we need to shell out so far...I'm not even close to done applying or having costs add up. Sigh, I'm going into debt for this dream and I'm not even accepted yet.

I learned some more about cars as my van decided to break down a week ago. Yes, some of you may remember that my car broke down several months ago and left me with a fear of being stranded in Boise. Well it did it again, this time leaving me with the fear of being stranded in Salt Lake.

I learned that it is absolutely impossible to get grandparents to respect the wishes of the parents (i.e. their children/children-in-law).

I've learned that I do not want to ever be a PhD student. The end does not justify the means in that situation, not for me anyways.

I've learned that being sick sucks. Okay I already knew that, everyone already knew that. But I'm sick right now and have been for the past couple of days. So that's my prevailing thought at the moment.

I've learned that my aunt with the pseudonym of Lois is the person most likely to comment on my blog. I also have a random foreign readers over in India, and Malaysia. (Hi! नमस्ते! Halo!)

I've learned that my day to day life (especially in the summer) is incredibly boring. I can't wait for school to start again. Except I'm not taking a lot of science courses (read: not any) ... sadness. So I won't see a lot of the people I'm familiar with. Maybe I'll just hang out in the biology building anyways. I'll be the BNR lurker, trying to spot people I know, and trying to remain grounded in (true) science after spending all my class time over in the social sciences area with the philosophy and anthropology people. (Yep, I just offended all my classmates for the next semester before school even started. Go me!)

I've learned over this past month, like right now, that I have way to much fun with parenthetical statements.

I've also learned that I terribly anti-social. But not in the psychological disorder, Ted Bundy/Lord Voldemort/Casey Anthony way. Speaking of which I've learned that our justice system is flawed. And not just the legal system, but also the police enforcement and criminal investigation aspect as well. Also, not that this is new, but our political system is terribly flawed.

I've learned that I am completely addicted to junk food and that there is no hope for me. Also, I'm completely obsessed with my daughter. But I think that's normal and called being a parent.

I've learned a lot about aquatic ecosystems and animals, courtesy of Netflix streaming and my affection for documentaries. (Side note: My husband should've been a scientist, or a nurse, except that he hates school, and the coursework would kill him. And yes, I did this just because I needed to throw in one more parenthetical statement before the end.)

Day 28 - A picture of me last year and now, how have I changed since then?

I could be lazy and say look at the post from Day 1 and Day 16. Those pictures are actually a year apart. But that would be cheating. So here's a picture from a year ago. 

And a recent picture. I had to post pictures that included Gabrielle, because how she has changed over the past year is much more interesting if you ask me. 

The obvious change is all that hair, that really long mane of hair, I chopped it all off. It used to be halfway down my back, and now it doesn't even hit my shoulders. Also, I have bangs now, which is different.

A year ago I thought I would be ten pounds lighter by now, instead I'm ten pounds heavier. Ugh, stress weight and emotional eating.

Last year I was a mother of a baby, now I am a mother of a toddler.

Today I am more sure of who I am. That has given me more confidence in myself. Today I am more content with my life. I am at ease and assured in my role as wife and mother. On the flip side now I am applying to med school, a year ago that was just a thought. This naturally fills me with anxiety and doubt, and all sorts of unsure about myself.

Last year I spent the summer at home, volunteering once a week at the Logan Hospital, and once a week at the American Heritage Center. This summer I work half of the week in a basement lab, and half of the week is at home, busy working on med school applications.

A year ago the future was a distance thought. I'd be in Logan for 2 more years, a fairly long time, almost as long as I'd already spent in Logan. Now I am constantly thinking about the future. Where I am in a year, is going to be determing by what I do this summer and fall. I only (hopefully) have one year left in Logan, and I don't know where I'll be in a year. It's terrifying. I know where I was a year ago, it's been an interesting journey. But I have no idea where I'll be in a year and who I'll be then. The past year has been long, so much has happened, and I have grown so much. Here's to hoping the next year treats me well.

Day 27 - Why I am doing this 30 day challenge

I am doing this challenge to get me in a habit of blogging. I need to keep a journal and to write regularly. It's good to keep a record. Plus, it helps me analyze my thoughts and feelings, helps me understand and stabilize my feelings. Hopefully after this I'll blog more regularly, not every day like the past month, but not the every couple months it was before.

Short post, but that's really my reason. That's all there is to it.

Day 26 - What I think about my friends

You know, I've mentioned it before that I'm not the worlds most social person so my friends are fairly limited. Not to mention, of course I like my friends and I think they're awesome or else I wouldn't be friends with them.

I have my high school friends, the smart people who weren't the nerds, just a little out there and random. (Yes, truly random, back when that was considered a bad thing. Not the overused word by every teenager who ever giggled and flipped her hair.) They were a great group, a bunch of misfits who helped me belong when I wasn't sure anyone else would accept me. And then I got married and a bunch of them turned their backs on me. Cheers!

There are the friends I've made since then while in college - some of them in my classes and in my groups, my trip to Panama, and the one person I work with - though I'm not the social person that would invite them over for a party. They are a bunch of fantastic people who share similar interests to me, who speak my language, they know what it means when I say committee year, or when I say like my rhomboids are in killing me. Despite that the common linkage of science this group is very diverse. I love the variety of people, and different viewpoints they share. Variety is the spice of life, and I love it!

My final group of friends are those who were merely acquaintances before who I've gotten to know better through the internet. I've gotten to know some really amazing people this way. It makes me sad that I didn't get to know them better before, when I actually had the chance to have some of these conversations in person. It makes me grateful for tools like Facebook. I still get the chance to form friendships with missed connections.