Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11 Looking Back

10 years ago, September 11, 2001, planes crashed into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and a Pennsylvanian Field. 2,977 people died, countless others had their lives ripped apart and forever changed. I've spend the day watching videos, memorials and stories about that day; like this poetry

But there is one video that I keep avoiding, one I won't watch. It's sitting in my news feed on Facebook and I keep skipping over it, pretending it's not really there.

 My grandmother had an aneurysm in her aortic artery. It'd been there for some time, we all knew about it. It was a time bomb ticking away in her back. There was a surgery that would fix it, but it would likely leave her in a wheelchair. She debated about the surgery, for a while she though it would be better to go without, live the last few years still being able to walk. But then she decided it was worth it, it was worth living a little longer, she couldn't walk well anyways. So she scheduled the surgery for some time in October. Just when she decided that her life was worth living, it was taken away. Her aneurysm split open and started bleeding out.

One year ago, September 11, 2010, my grandmother past away. For several years she lived right next to me, she was a big part of my life. She was beautiful, smart, funny and my family. When it started getting difficult for her to be on her own, she moved to Las Vegas, to live with my uncle. I didn't get to see her very often after that, the two times I was able to go down there were two times she wasn't there. The last time I saw her was Thanksgiving 2009.

It was the first, and only time, she met my daughter. I was looking forward to the holidays, hoping I could see her again. I wanted to show her my daughter, her 3rd great-grandchild, show her how much she'd grown. To just see her, and tell her I loved her, and I missed having her close by.

I've been avoiding thinking or talking about her today. It's been easier to mourn with the nation about thousands that I never knew, than to mourn alone about this one woman I loved.

9/11/2011, my cousins birthday, the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attack, Grandparent's Day, and one year since I lost my grandmother.

Goodbye Grandma, I love you.

1 comment:

SariahHunt said...

Sorry sweetie that you're struggling. It's hard thinking of 9/11 without the death of a loved one. But especially such a recent death. I hope that you are okay, I know you have amazing support from you amazing husband. Love ya.