Day 30 - Who am I?

Read that title again and tell me if don't think of either the Les Misérables musical or a little kid book. If you say no, you didn't think of either, I say your lying. 

Umm... once again I feel like I'm writing an application essay. I have several of them I'm working on at the moment and a lot of them do say things like "Describe yourself" or "Introduce yourself." By the way, I hate those kind of questions. And I think most of you know me already. Wasn't that the point of the thirty day post to get to know more about me?

My name is Britain. I am wife to the sweetest man and mother to the most adorable girl. I am a biology student applying to Medical School. I am a closet nerd, and I'm still in denial about that to myself. I hate the cold. I like summer and beaches. According to my husband I am obstinate and strong-willed, I'm going to stay mum on that comment. Oh, he also says I'm always right, that one I will fess up too. I'm a feminist trying to trudge through the oppressive patriarchy that is Utah and academic science. I am a working/student mother and PROUD of it. I love listening to music all of the time. I enjoy reading, playing video games, musicals and bubble baths. I'm am incredibly shy, but I'm very opinionated and talkative once I open up to you.  I'm a night owl/ insomniac. For some reason this seems to drive all non-night owls nuts. On the flip side, I find morning people who wake up chipper and chatty irritating. I hate driving and big cities scare me. When it comes to school or work I am very organized. But other than that I am very messy and I hate cleaning. Someday I want a zillion pets, though that will probably never come to pass. My favorite color is blue.

And the last thing about me is that I finished this 30 day challenge! Go me go!

Also, today is my 4 year anniversary to the above mentioned sweetest man. To quote the lyrics of a Shania Twain song "They said, 'I bet they'll never make it.' But just look at us holding on. We're still together, still going strong ... I'm glad we didn't listen. Look at what we would be missing." I know at four years we're still newlyweds. But I would love to shove those years in the faces of a few (actually quite a few) people. I love you JP!

Day 29 - In this past month, what have I learned

I'm really not sure if this is supposed to be what have I learned as pertaining to this 30 day challenge, or if this what I learned in general over the past month.

As pertaining to this challenge I learned how to scheduled post on blogger. Yep folks, that's right I completely cheated. Almost all of the post were written forever in advance and then scheduled to post on the appropriate days. See I've been working on these post since last November. Whenever I got a chance I would work on a post. Then when I'd gotten the first 15 done I decided I would  this challenge started, well starting 29 days ago, and they all auto-posted. (I think that goes to show how busy I am, that it took me over half a year to find time to write 15 posts.) During those 15 days I worked on the next couple posts. Only during the past week have the entries been written in a time frame relatively close to when they posted.

I learned that the application process to medical school is extremely tedious and enormously expensive. We've already shelled out about 1 grand, and have another grand that we need to shell out so far...I'm not even close to done applying or having costs add up. Sigh, I'm going into debt for this dream and I'm not even accepted yet.

I learned some more about cars as my van decided to break down a week ago. Yes, some of you may remember that my car broke down several months ago and left me with a fear of being stranded in Boise. Well it did it again, this time leaving me with the fear of being stranded in Salt Lake.

I learned that it is absolutely impossible to get grandparents to respect the wishes of the parents (i.e. their children/children-in-law).

I've learned that I do not want to ever be a PhD student. The end does not justify the means in that situation, not for me anyways.

I've learned that being sick sucks. Okay I already knew that, everyone already knew that. But I'm sick right now and have been for the past couple of days. So that's my prevailing thought at the moment.

I've learned that my aunt with the pseudonym of Lois is the person most likely to comment on my blog. I also have a random foreign readers over in India, and Malaysia. (Hi! नमस्ते! Halo!)

I've learned that my day to day life (especially in the summer) is incredibly boring. I can't wait for school to start again. Except I'm not taking a lot of science courses (read: not any) ... sadness. So I won't see a lot of the people I'm familiar with. Maybe I'll just hang out in the biology building anyways. I'll be the BNR lurker, trying to spot people I know, and trying to remain grounded in (true) science after spending all my class time over in the social sciences area with the philosophy and anthropology people. (Yep, I just offended all my classmates for the next semester before school even started. Go me!)

I've learned over this past month, like right now, that I have way to much fun with parenthetical statements.

I've also learned that I terribly anti-social. But not in the psychological disorder, Ted Bundy/Lord Voldemort/Casey Anthony way. Speaking of which I've learned that our justice system is flawed. And not just the legal system, but also the police enforcement and criminal investigation aspect as well. Also, not that this is new, but our political system is terribly flawed.

I've learned that I am completely addicted to junk food and that there is no hope for me. Also, I'm completely obsessed with my daughter. But I think that's normal and called being a parent.

I've learned a lot about aquatic ecosystems and animals, courtesy of Netflix streaming and my affection for documentaries. (Side note: My husband should've been a scientist, or a nurse, except that he hates school, and the coursework would kill him. And yes, I did this just because I needed to throw in one more parenthetical statement before the end.)

Day 28 - A picture of me last year and now, how have I changed since then?

I could be lazy and say look at the post from Day 1 and Day 16. Those pictures are actually a year apart. But that would be cheating. So here's a picture from a year ago. 

And a recent picture. I had to post pictures that included Gabrielle, because how she has changed over the past year is much more interesting if you ask me. 

The obvious change is all that hair, that really long mane of hair, I chopped it all off. It used to be halfway down my back, and now it doesn't even hit my shoulders. Also, I have bangs now, which is different.

A year ago I thought I would be ten pounds lighter by now, instead I'm ten pounds heavier. Ugh, stress weight and emotional eating.

Last year I was a mother of a baby, now I am a mother of a toddler.

Today I am more sure of who I am. That has given me more confidence in myself. Today I am more content with my life. I am at ease and assured in my role as wife and mother. On the flip side now I am applying to med school, a year ago that was just a thought. This naturally fills me with anxiety and doubt, and all sorts of unsure about myself.

Last year I spent the summer at home, volunteering once a week at the Logan Hospital, and once a week at the American Heritage Center. This summer I work half of the week in a basement lab, and half of the week is at home, busy working on med school applications.

A year ago the future was a distance thought. I'd be in Logan for 2 more years, a fairly long time, almost as long as I'd already spent in Logan. Now I am constantly thinking about the future. Where I am in a year, is going to be determing by what I do this summer and fall. I only (hopefully) have one year left in Logan, and I don't know where I'll be in a year. It's terrifying. I know where I was a year ago, it's been an interesting journey. But I have no idea where I'll be in a year and who I'll be then. The past year has been long, so much has happened, and I have grown so much. Here's to hoping the next year treats me well.

Day 27 - Why I am doing this 30 day challenge

I am doing this challenge to get me in a habit of blogging. I need to keep a journal and to write regularly. It's good to keep a record. Plus, it helps me analyze my thoughts and feelings, helps me understand and stabilize my feelings. Hopefully after this I'll blog more regularly, not every day like the past month, but not the every couple months it was before.

Short post, but that's really my reason. That's all there is to it.

Day 26 - What I think about my friends

You know, I've mentioned it before that I'm not the worlds most social person so my friends are fairly limited. Not to mention, of course I like my friends and I think they're awesome or else I wouldn't be friends with them.

I have my high school friends, the smart people who weren't the nerds, just a little out there and random. (Yes, truly random, back when that was considered a bad thing. Not the overused word by every teenager who ever giggled and flipped her hair.) They were a great group, a bunch of misfits who helped me belong when I wasn't sure anyone else would accept me. And then I got married and a bunch of them turned their backs on me. Cheers!

There are the friends I've made since then while in college - some of them in my classes and in my groups, my trip to Panama, and the one person I work with - though I'm not the social person that would invite them over for a party. They are a bunch of fantastic people who share similar interests to me, who speak my language, they know what it means when I say committee year, or when I say like my rhomboids are in killing me. Despite that the common linkage of science this group is very diverse. I love the variety of people, and different viewpoints they share. Variety is the spice of life, and I love it!

My final group of friends are those who were merely acquaintances before who I've gotten to know better through the internet. I've gotten to know some really amazing people this way. It makes me sad that I didn't get to know them better before, when I actually had the chance to have some of these conversations in person. It makes me grateful for tools like Facebook. I still get the chance to form friendships with missed connections.

Day 25 - What you would find in my bag

Well this really depends on the time of the year, and day of the week. Well since it's summer, I mainly carry a bag on work days. It's a bigger purse so I can carry what I need for the whole day in it, and it is nicely divided into different sections. In one side I carry the typical purse items: My cellphone, a few pens and pencils, keys, headphones, eye drops (I'm way to blind to just go without if they ever accidentally fall out during the day), a small hairbrush because I have to room to do so, chapstick, and occasionally my time card to record my work hours. Sometimes I'll even stick my wallet in there, which only contains my debit card, and a few bills. One the other side of my bag is where I carry my lunch. Usually there's a water bottle, some sort of fruit or a similar small snack, a stick of string cheese, and the main course which could be leftovers from the previous nights dinner, a salad or a sandwich.

On a none workday, if I am going to carry a bag I'll either pick the same bag and instead of a lunch I'll bring some snacks and a cup of milk for Gabrielle. If I'm not going to be gone long, or I don't have Gabrielle with me, I'll take a small purse with only my wallet and a stick of chapstick.

However, when it's not the summer, i.e. most of the year, I will have my backpack with me all the time. Of course in my backpack is everything mentioned above, purse objects, lunch, plus always a spare dollar or two, note cards, highlighters, many pencils, notebooks, textbooks, my computer, and a whole bunch of crap that gets forgotten and lost in the backpack black hole.

Day 24 - A letter to my parents

You know, the quality of the post cues goes down dramatically as this 30 day challenge goes on. Why would I write a letter to my parents here? If I wanted to write a letter to them why wouldn't I just send it to them? But, alas, the title decrees it, so write it I must. (Or do I? Do I really have to? Can this whine just count as my post instead.)

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you. Dad, I'm sorry we couldn't meet up while you were in Logan a couple days ago. You've got to give me forewarning on these sorts of things, I'm kind of busy. I'll miss camping with you guys at the reunion this weekend. Tell everyone "Hi" for me, and tell them that you have the cutest granddaughter of them all. Gabrielle was very sad to see you guys leave after you dropped us off from our trip to Canada. Her adorable, big baby blue eyes started watering. She made me stand in the driveway for a long long time, looking down the road hoping to see your car come back. She will be very glad to see you guys again, I hope that can be sometime soon before she forgets all the fun. Luckily she's remembering for much longer periods of time now.
Thanks for being the great parents you were. You weren't perfect, you certainly had your faults, but you did a good job of teaching me what I needed to learn. Some parents don't seem to give a crap about their children, but I know you cared about me. Other parents seem to think their kids are porcelain, I call them helicopter parents, always hovering around. They do everything for their kids, hand them life on a silver platter and protect them from anything slightly unhappy. You most certainly did not do that for me. And for that thank you, now I can be (somewhat of) an adult. I can even go buy my school supplies on my own, without having to ask the teacher what type of notebook they want. (That really happens, true story.)

Love ya,

Britain

P.S. Please stop spoiling my daughter. It's this dark cloud lurking over our shoulders during our visits, and it leaves a bitter aftertaste. When we have to watch our daughter throw more temper tantrums then she ever has, and then have to deal with the spoiled child afterwards it casts a very negative hue over the whole visit. Please respect my parenting.

Day 23 - Something I crave for a lot

Is that title correct grammar? I've merely copy and pasted from the challenge instructions. Something about it seems choppy and wrong. I feel like the "for a lot" is a bit much. Either something I crave for, or something I crave a lot would have sufficed. Not that the rest of my titles and posts have outstanding grammar. Oh well.

I feel like this post might be a repeat of Day 21. Obviously I desire the things that make me happy, and satisfying my cravings typically makes me happy. 

So same as Day 21, the first thing I crave for is Ice Cream and Coldstone is the best.

I also crave chocolate, in any form all the time. As well as other forms of general sweetness like brownies and cookies.

I do crave raspberries and blueberries. I wish they weren't so expensive or else I would justify this healthy craving. When I have a home of my own I am growing my own raspberry bush.

Courtesy of my childhood days in Alaska, I love Alaskan King Crab Legs, and yes them being from Alaska matters. Unfortunately I hardly ever get these. 

This one is almost not a craving, it's more of an obsession, sauteed mushrooms. 

Sourdough bread will be my last craving. Once we bought a loaf and I ate the whole thing in 2 days. Slice, butter, devour and repeat. 

I feel like my blog should come with a warning label: Dieters Beware. Contains many tasty food pictures. 

Day 22 - What makes me different from everyone else

Somehow the title of these makes me feel like I'm about to write another application essay, though I prefer to stay away from that. 

I got married very young, and not because I was pregnant or was trying to escape a bad home situation.

I had a child at a young age, and yes she was planned. 

While those two may stereotype me as the young mother who just want to stay at home and be homemaker and housewife extraordinaire, I have no desire at all to be at home. I love the idea of having a career, of working and contributing to society, reaching out and touching others beyond my family. Throw in the fact that I live in Utah and I'm a Mormon, and that previous sentence makes me even more of a stereotype breaker. How many girls do you know who want a career in a rigorous field like medicine or law, that also have children before even entering training?  

Despite being a Mormon, and my rather conservative upbringing I have some more liberal views. For instance, I completely believe in evolution (come on, I am a scientist after all) and I support gay marriage. Throw in the fact that I'm a feminist and I've upset most of my family and my church. (If any of my typical readers suddenly feels the urge to pray for my soul - it's nice that you care for me but no thanks.)

Someone told me I was an interesting case study in contradictions. 

I don't drink caffeine or even carbonated beverages at all. My one health conviction, I'm going to stick to it.

I'm a picky eater, but I like the things most picky eaters hate, like fish, escargot and mushrooms. 

I hate watching movies but I love to watch TV shows and documentaries. Yeah, I don't know what the difference is either. 

For the last one, I hate telephones. I get an anxiety attack every time I have to call someone. Texting has been my lifesaver. I don't know why I am so afraid of talking to people on the phones. It's not just that I'm shy, I'm open to other forms of communication. I'd rather drive down to the business place and talk to them in person rather than call them. Because of this little phobia I am so surprised that I got a job working for Walt Disney World. Their interview took place by phone, and it was one of the more intense (read: actually asked me interview style questions) interviews I've ever had. 

There you go folks, the differences of Britain in a nutshell, or more, what I could think of right now. 

Day 21 - A picture of something that makes you happy

A lot of things make me happy. We'll start off with some good ol' ice cream, especially Coldstone ice cream.

Come on, you know that looks delicious.

My sweet daughter makes me happy, when she's not driving me nuts.

That's the center to my whole world right there.

A good book always helps.

Fantastic book. One of my favorites. Her blog and comics are hilarious too.

I love scrapbooking. It nice to be creative once in a while, and it's nice to feel like I'm good at something.

However I just don't get the time to do it as often as I'd like. So I am forever behind.

And as weird as this one sounds, school makes me happy too, stressed but happy. I've always loved school.

I have a love/hate relationship with this campus.
But truthfully, I've enjoyed my time here and I'll be sad to leave.

 Lastly, bright blue skies, sitting out in the sunshine soaking up that vitamin D is the best thing ever. (To a certain aunt: you're not allowed to grumble about this one.)

Oh, and the ocean makes me happy as well. 

Also, I made an edit to the previous day's post. I have put up another wedding photo taken from the photographer's site, courtesy of my aunt (and of course my fantastic Grandma who took the photo). So feel free to go back and look.

Day 20 - Someone I see myself marrying/being with in the future

Ah, super young JP. Isn't he just so cute?
That's why we are going to have the cutest kids.

Someday I going to marry this man. No, really it's true. Yeah, I don't know what to write for this post considering I'm already married and I plan on staying that way for the rest of my life.

See what happened is one day he finally decided to ask me out on a date. We fell in love and got all engaged. See aren't we so lovely dovey mushy?

As a consequence of that decision we got married. Yep, that's really how it goes folks engagement results in marriage. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage.

Now I would post a wedding photo here. It would seem a fitting spot. But I don't have any of our wedding photos on the computer. This is the only wedding photo on the computer. (For some forgotten reason or other that was important and urgent my mother-in-law desperately needed a wedding photo so I scanned that one in.) If I had planned ahead better I wouldn't have used that photo in that post so I could use it here. Oh well. Anyways, I married the love of my life and best friend 4 years (-10days) ago. Someday I'll get wedding photos on disc so then I can share them with ya'll.

Edit: Here is another wedding photo that I took from the photographer's site. (Shout out to my aunt, who suggested stealing this photo, and to my grandma, the fantastic photographer.)

Click on the photo if you want to blow it up extremely huge.

Day 19 - Nicknames I have, and why I have them.

I really don't have many nicknames. I have an aversion to nicknames. I like my actual name Britain very much, so I prefer to be called Britain.

The most common nickname I have is Brit. I think the reason why is rather obvious. I still prefer Britain over Brit, except for select people who I'm close to.

Occasionally while working in the lab I get called Mormon. The reason there is also pretty obvious, because I am Mormon, and my boss/co-worker is not.

My husband has used a variety of nicknames: Love, Babe etc...

That's about it. There really aren't too many other nicknames, especially not that people have used recently.

Also, on an unrelated note, two years ago today I gave birth two the cutest girl.

She's only gotten cuter since.

Then

And she is just as cute today.

Now

Happy Birthday Gabrielle. I love you so much.

Day 18 - Plans/dreams/goals I have

I plan on graduating from Utah State next spring.
I plan on enjoying the time left in college.
I plan on living the rest of my life happily married to the sweetest man in the world.

I dream of having the money to buy a new car and a home of my own.
I dream of traveling the world.
I dream of being skinny and fit again someday.

I have a goal to be on completely top of my homework, work and other responsibilities this next year (but I'm not planning on it.)
I have a goal to raise my daughter to be an upstanding person, a contributing member of society who kind, tolerant, generous, creative, hard worker, and who thinks for herself.
And for other short term goals see Day 8.

I plan on, I dream of with every fiber of my being, I have a goal to be a doctor someday.

Day 17 - Someone I would want to switch lives with for one day and why

I would want to switch lives with my dear husband, JP, for one day.

He is so different from me. Even when we experience the same event, he perceives it so differently from me. I want to understand how he sees the world, how his mind works. Another thing, is I just can't fathom the depth of his love for me, or what he sees in me. If I could switch lives with me for one day, maybe I could understand him better.

Day 16 - Another picture of me

I know I recently posted another picture under this waterfall, but I really like this photo. I know it's hard to actually see me (that's why I made the photo really big), and I don't look particularly great. But it shows me really happy, with a genuine smile, not just a posing for photos smile. 

Day 15 - First 10 songs that play when I put my iPod on shuffle

Because I am too lazy to grab my iPod, I'm just going to put iTunes on shuffle. It's the same songs anyway.

1. Vincent - Josh Groban

2. She Let Herself Go - George Strait (Sorry, I could only find a lyric video for that one.)

3. Masquerade - Phantom of the Opera

4. Better Things to Do - Terri Clark

5. Where's the Girl? - Scarlet Pimpernel, Terrence Mann. This is one of my favorite songs, and one of my favorite musicals. The video is incredibly quiet, sorry. It was the only one I could find that was actually Terrence Mann singing, so turn the sound up as high as you can.

6. Say Anything - Good Charlotte (Another lyric video.)

7. I'm Just Talkin' About Tonight - Toby Keith

8. Mine - Taylor Swift

9. Strangers - Martina McBride

10. The Gods Love Nubia - Aida, Heather Headley, Schele Williams and Ensemble

I finished Day 15! I am halfway done.

Day 14 - A picture of my family and I

So we don't have a lot of family photos. Usually either JP or I have the camera, it's rare that we are both in the picture. Here is the first photo taken of our family taken while in it's current state - three people - the day Gabrielle was born. I promise my husband looks less creepy with hair.

And a much more recent picture of our family from our trip to Canada. It was hard to find one where we are all looking at the camera. See he is much less creepy with hair. 

And one more picture from Canada because I love it. I got to cross an item off of my bucket list: kiss under a waterfall. It was awesome! (The kiss and being under the waterfall.)

I just want to add at the end I love my family so much! Those two mean the world to me.

Day 13 - A letter to someone who hurt me recently

Dear person(s)

I don't know how to write this or even wear to start. You don't even realize you hurt me. I was so angry and sad, and you dismissed me. You don't care what I think or feel. I will always be wrong in your eyes. I wish you would get to know me better, despite how long we've known each other you haven't taken the time and effort to really try and figure out who I am. I am not as simple to figure out as you think. There are many layers and different aspects to me; I am far more complex than you see me. Don't just take one aspect of me and think that's all there is to me. Don't try and force me into who you think I should be. I am figuring out who I am. While I am not at the end of the journey, I'm still imperfect and stumbling, but I am happy with the path I am on, and who I am becoming. Someday I hope you'll realize the level of resentment I have for you. Someday I hope you'll see my side and how you so carelessly dismissed me, my feeling, my thoughts, and my point of view. I hope you'll become a more caring and better person, someday. But right now, I am working on cutting you out of my life, reducing your hurtful influence. When I am around you, I am easily depressed, my stress level is through the roof, and I feel like I have to suppress who I am. That's why I've decided I'm better off with minimal contact with you. I'll enjoy the good moment with you, but those times will be brief and infrequent. Good-bye.

Sincerely,

Me

PS I hated writing this post.

Day 12 - How I found out about blogs and why I made one

I don't remember how I found out about blogs. I had a LiveJournal account in high school, and I got a Blogger account in high school as well. Several friends in college courses were required to keep a blog as part of an English assignment and needed comments, and it required I have an account, but I don't think I ever posted anything.

I first considered actually blogging was when I was first married. I don't remember the what or why, but I do remember the neighbors below us helped influence that decision. JP actually wanted a blog first, to help our family know what was going on in our lives. That didn't work out so well, neither of us posted very frequently. I started this blog when I was pregnant because I felt the urge to try the 365 day photo challenge, which I've previously mentioned. I continue to keep trying to blog because this is my way of saying I write in a journal. Yet, I'm still horrible at updating this. Hence this 30 day challenge to hopefully help me be better at posting frequently.

Day 11 - Another picture of "you and your friends" - or not.

So for Day 11 I was supposed to do a post with another picture of my friends and I. But I already told you people, I don't have friends, the loosely defined "friends" I have I don't hang out with, and if I did I wouldn't have a picture of it. But if you do want a picture of what I spend the most time with it would be this: 

Rough skinned Newt, Taricha granulosa

Actually I spend most of my time with thousands of larvae, and most of the larvae have some sort of deformity. I study (okay, technically I'm a research assistant, but there isn't a ton of difference) these little creatures in the lab I work in.

Two headed newt larvae. So sad, yet so neat.

These newts contain high amounts of tetrodotoxin which is 10x more toxic than potassium cyanide, which makes them one of the most toxic creatures in North America. Yeah, somehow saying that makes my job sound so much cooler than it really is. If you scare them they like to show off their bright orange color. Aren't they so cute, in a deadly sort of way? 

Unken reflex = don't eat me!