Wednesday, October 7, 2009

358,560 minutes

You know what I just noticed, every post has the same font except one, the one about labor and delivery. Weird, don't know how I did that, but I really don't care. It's actually kind of cool. I mean, if any post deserves to be special and a little bit different, it gets to be that one.

So today, my Baby Girl laughed for the first time, or so I'm told. I wasn't there. I was in class. It really hurt that I wasn't there for that milestone. It just like, I'm here mother and I wasn't there and I should've been. It was a little bit of a kick in the gut. It made me wonder if I was being selfish for going to school, and wanting to work. Am I going to be there enough for her? Is she going to someday resent me for never being home? How many other things in her life am I going to miss out on by not being a stay at home mom.

But the thought of just staying home makes me want to cry. I don't think I have the patience or sanity to do that everyday. And I don't know what I would do without school or work, or some form of getting away and having other responsibilities. It's what's keeping me sane right now. It's what makes me happy, but so does Gabrielle.

4 comments:

Lois Lane said...

School is important, so stick with it. You will always miss a few milestones, but at least your husband gets to enjoy a few on his own. But there are a million more milestones to come!

bbreck said...

Oh sweetheart. I know what you are feeling. I am home with them all day and yet I have so much to do. So while my husband gets to sit there and do nothing he has seen several milestones before I did. It hurts bad. I am so sorry. There will be so many more to come, especially with other angels too. I love you girl! Just keep at it with the school. It is harder as life goes on and more kids come. You are doing a great job and not being selfish. Have a better day.

Teresa said...

Did you resent me working? I worked full time until you were 3 years old. Then I worked part time until you were 6 years old. That's when I stayed home and started babysitting.

Logan said...

Hi I've stumbled upon your blog in search of LDS medical students who are blogging. First, way to go! I admire people who go "against the grain" if you know what I mean. Anyway, I'm trying to create a new website that can host a forum specifically for LDS medical students, residents, and doctors - and am wondering if I could post a link to your blog in my "blogs" section? It would appear in www.momed.org/blogs.html

Please comment below or e-mail me at dance@wisc.edu. (I'm a 4th year student and father of a 14 month old)